A Revelation About Physical Beauty

For most of my life, going so far back that I cannot remember when it began, I have had very poor self image. No matter what diet or long term food plan my mom had us on, I always felt fat and in my mind that automatically meant I was ugly. When I looked in the mirror, I saw someone who was worthless and undesirable. And not only did I put MYSELF down, I felt that the people around me only confirmed my suspicions that I was unattractive. No one, except for some mean kids who pegged the right way to "get my goat", ever actually said those words, but I never was sufficiantly denied when I told people the way I felt about myself or I got what I felt like was an affirmation when I said those things. Even silence, or a non-answer or a shrug felt like they were saying that I was just as gross as I always thought, but they just didn't want to say it. 

Now, I have known any number of people with eating disorders, and I do not feel that I have ever had an eating disorder. I have never been so obsessed with the need to eat that it made it impossible to think about anything else. I have never binged. I have never made myself throw up or taken laxatives to lose weight. And I've never starved myself. I'm sure there are many other sign and symptoms but the bottom line is I don't believe I've ever had an issue with the way I think about food and eating. BUT, I HAVE snuck food and eaten when no one was watching because I felt that OTHER people thought I overate and what scared me more than having an eating disorder was that anyone who watched me eating would hate me. 

When I look back at pictures of myself, there are certainly some chubby pictures of me here and there, but for the most part, I look very healthy. For sure, the past few years as I was pregnant and following my pregnancies I've struggled with some serious weight gain, but my body is slowly recovering and I know it will eventually get back to looking "normal" again. 

But the other day, I was really struggling with someone and their idea about health and our responsibility to take care of our bodies. And whether or not this is accurate, what I heard when they spoke was that one of the primary focuses of our lives should be the way that we look, because our appearance on the outside reflects our health as a whole person - mind, body, soul spirit. I don't necessarily disagree with that concept - I believe that healthy people living healthy lives will, for the most part, also LOOK healthy - but this person seemed to believe that we carry our physical health with us to heaven. I was quite taken aback. I thought, based on what I had studied, that we recieved new, perfect bodies (Note: I'm not exactly sure what that means, just that God says he's giving us bodies like his.) when we got to Heaven. After all, there won't be any handicaps in Heaven, no tears, no shame, no death or disease, why would the way that we look come with us? Why would our imperfect managment of our bodies affect our eternity with God? He's given us SO much grace, allowed us to be with Him, and SAVED us from ALL of our sin, I just could not believe that He would force me to endure this body I'm stuck in right now, forever. 

So I opened up my Bible. 

And the whole time, I'm praying because this is a big deal to me, I don't want to neglect any aspect of my responsibility as a Christian. 

I poured over the concordance in the back looking for the terminology I remembered, but there was nothing under "bodies" or "perfection" so I went to the subject index. Again, nothing under "resurrection" or "eternal life" but the last reference under "heaven" was Philipians 3. 

" 1 Further, my brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you. 2 Watch out for those dogs, those evildoers, those mutilators of the flesh. 3 For it is we who are the circumcision, we who serve God by his Spirit, who boast in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh—4 though I myself have reasons for such confidence.

   If someone else thinks they have reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: 5circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; 6 as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for righteousness based on the law, faultless.

 7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

 12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

 15 All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16 Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

 17 Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do. 18 For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. 20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."

I was so relieved! 

Whether you are Christian or not, I feel that self confidence is important. You are an important person and you should love yourself so that you can love others. 

But, when I read this, a great weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I know that when I get to Heaven, I will be given eternal life, in a new beautiful body that resembles my savior. For eternity, I will get to be with him, loving him, BEING LOVED BY HIM, and worshipping him, basking in his glory. There is NOTHING I want more than that. And when I read that passage, I felt so FREE. Free to pursue my calling without the shackles of self-loathing. 

Today, I feel beautiful. I have curves where there should be none. I don't fit into all the latest fashions. And I can say with confidence that it DOESN'T BOTHER ME at all. 

When I think of outer space...

93 million miles from the blistering surface of the sun hangs the planet earth. A rotating sphere perfectly suspended in the center of the universe. The ultimate creation from an infinite mind. An unbelievably intricate complex design. A supernatural testimony, an irrefutable sign that there is a God. 

The size, position and angle of the earth is a scientific phenomenon to see. A few degrees closer to the sun we'd disintegrate, a few degrees further we'd freeze. The axis of the earth is tilted at a perfect 23 degree angle and it's no mistake that it is. This allows equal global distribution to the rays of the sun making it possible for the food chain to exist. 

Or take for example the combination of nitrogen and oxygen in the atmosphere we breathe every day. It just happens to be the exact mix that life needs to prosper, it doesn't happen on any other planet that way. 

You see, the Bible says the invisible things of God are seen through His creation, to believe this is not hard. If there's a design, there's a designer, if there's a plan, there's a planner and if there's a miracle, there is a God. 

There is a hope, there is a light 

There is an answer to all answers 

There is a flame that burns in the night 

And I know, I know, I know there is a God 

The Scripture says the heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the work of His hands. If we allow our minds to drink in all the truth that surrounds  us, creation itself will help us understand. 

Did you know the moon controls the tides, it's the maid that cleans the oceans. Even the waves don't crash the shores in vain. The tides drag impurities from the depths of the sea, it's nature's constant recycling chain.

It simply boggles the mind to think that the stars will rotate with such exact precision that it's true that the atomic clock with an error factor of less than three seconds per millennium is set by the way we move. 

Though they silently orbit, the sun, the moon, the stars are like celestial evangelists above. Who circle the earth every 24 hours shouting in every language that there is a God. Atheism is the wedge under the foundation of our faith, trying to topple our relationship with Christ. When the fool said in his heart, there is no God, he rejects the truth God painted on the canvas of the night. Atheism has never created an artistic masterpiece, never healed a fatal disease or calmed a fear. Atheism has never still given answers to our existence, peace to a troubled mind or even dried a tear. 

For it's God who created heaven and earth and flung the stars in space and breathed in the handful of dirt and it became a man. It's God who sits on the circle of the earth and measures the mountains in a scale, and holds the seven seas in the palm of His hand. It's God who sent His only begotten Son to the cross of Calvary to save our souls from Hell and the grave. It's God who creates, God who delivers, God who heals and GOD who is worthy of a thunderous ovation of praise. 

There is a God, there is a God 

And I know, I know, I know there is a God

-Carman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_5yNbFLKjc&feature=grec_index 

My Story (And yes, I'm sticking to it.)

This is MY story.

Way, way before I was your friendly neighborhood JRO, I was just Jasmine, the only Italian kid for about twenty miles in every direction from my predominantly Mexican ‘hood in East San Jose, California. Oh sure, we had a few black families and many Asian races mixed in, but if anyone asked, we were Latino and that was that. I never realized how this affected me until I moved to Boston and realized that I am so not white, and people really treat me differently because of the way I look. I’m used to going places with my latino friends and being given the eye. Now that hardly ever happens. Anyway, now you know, just because I’m Italian doesn’t mean I’m anglo. I love the deep culture that Latino and European nations have. The food. The music. The vivre.

But unfortunately, living in the ghetto has its downsides. Most of the young men on my street were involved with gangs and the girls all kept it quiet, occasionally dabbling in prostitution and drug dealing to “help out.” My parents were oblivious to this and since I did nothing to enlighten them they had very little concern letting me out of the house. I had to check in with them every so often, but other than that, there was no one I couldn’t hang out with or talk to.

I had my first sexual experience when I was about six or seven. It is AMAZING how much this aspect of our lives affects us, changes us and shapes our future. I had no idea what was happening at the time. It wasn’t until MUCH later that I realized what had taken place and I hadn’t felt guilty before but then it really set in and I felt like I was carrying an anvil around in my chest. Now, to say that it was all my fault isn’t a fair assessment but I felt SO guilty when I realized that I had totally lost my innocence and purity. The ramifications of those acts STILL affects me, because I was so young when it took place and at the time, the whole scope of those sins was unknown to me. I thought I was for sure damned.

You feel so dirty and alone and unhinged from reality.

My pain manifested as rage. Just blind, mindless anger thrown at everyone and everything. I could be set off so easily. If it wasn’t reasonable to be angry because someone was being hurtful, I was pissed because they were ignoring me. It seemed totally reasonable in my head to feel that the whole world was either indifferent to my existence or they hated me. The people who claimed to love me only did so out of obligation, I thought. I truly believe that they were all disappointed and disgusted with me. Although, I had no reason to suspect that they felt that way, because at that point, I hadn’t revealed to ANYONE what I had been through. Yet I assumed that the dirt and blood I felt on me was obvious to everyone. I felt so gross it didn’t seem possible that they couldn’t see on me, smell it on me.

By the time we moved to Boston when I was twelve, I was totally broken and utterly depressed. Despair doesn’t even begin to describe the state of my soul. I was all but dead. I began to cut myself just to feel a shift in the haze. It became the only way that I could feel anything. I felt like I was trapped in a sensory deprivation chamber and I felt like I was going insane. The pain was like an anchor to reality. The blood was real, it meant that I was alive.

When I was fifteen, I determined that even the cutting couldn’t bring me back to focus. I needed out. I needed to die. I even had it planned out, and then I met Shaun Hays…

The November before I turned sixteen, Shaun was the speaker at the youth retreat I was on with my youth group. It was a winter sleep-away camp and I figured it was the perfect opportunity to end my life. Nice kid, right?

The first night is usually pretty informal. It’s a chance for the speaker to get on stage and introduce themselves and kind of offer an overview for the weekend. By the time everyone gets to camp, they just want dinner and sleep, so Shaun just told us who he was and let us know that he was a chalk artist and that he really hoped God would move us that weekend. Nothing huge, but I was ENRAGED. That old familiar hum of anger set in and I remember thinking, “Who the heck does this guy think he is? He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t care about me. He cannot possibly begin to comprehend what goes on inside my head.” I didn’t realize that he had sparked something. I barely noticed that for the first time in YEARS, I could feel. So it was raw and it hurt, but I was mad, and that was so different from the numbness that was my day in and day out. I could breathe, and that was only night one.

Day two was agonizing for me. Shaun got up and started DARING us to give God twenty-four hours. He said that if we did he guaranteed our life would change. I thought that was SUCH bull. My best friends at the time, Jill and TJ were sitting with me. Jill was in my boat, she felt the same way I did. TJ, however, was my lifeline, and he kept squeezing my hand through Shaun’s presentation, which pissed me off even more. But finally I internally screamed at God, “OK, FINE! God, I know you’re there. I’ve ALWAYS known. But I HATE you and I REFUSE to make an effort if you’re just going to sit there. So I will unlock the door, but YOU have to DO something. Move me. Bust the door off its hinges and blow me away. Bet. You. Won’t.” In hindsight, I cringe at my mental spit in the dirt at God’s feet but boy did he respond!

I wrote this long, heated, angry, vicious letter to Shaun, spewing out my venom. I told him what had happened to me. I almost bragged that my cuts were so deep, that I couldn’t feel, that I wanted to die. It was like “take that!” I had my friend Jill deliver it, so I could watch the exchange from a distance. I didn’t think Shaun would read it right then, but he did.

He was late getting up on stage, and when he did, I felt another familiar sensation – guilt. Shaun looked totally beat. He looked upset. And as much as I felt it was a little bit narcissistic to assume, I just KNEW it was because of my letter. I tried to feel smug, but I felt really bad for him. Here the guy has a message to deliver and I just made it really hard for him. I mean, he looked like he was about to cry. Every molecule in me was telling me to run, but it was like I was glued to my chair. I was paralyzed.

It was only later that night when I went and personally spoke to Shaun that I found out that he was actually happy to get my letter. Before he read it, he really questioned God’s purpose for him at that retreat. He’d felt like there was really no one there that was reachable. And then he read what I had to say. Before I mustered the courage to talk to him and apologize for my outburst, I had CRIED for the first time since I could remember. Then when I was talking with Shaun, I cried some more. He wasn’t afraid of me and that was SO nice. I felt SO good. He read Jeremiah 29:11 to me and I just remember feeling like God himself had put Shaun in my life, had stopped me from ending my life because He has a reason for me to exist. God wants me to be here, needs me to help his people.

Shaun and I have been close ever since. He knew when I met my husband. He knew when I had my kids, and he has been privy to my ups and downs as I grow in my relationship with God.

I am NOT a perfect person. I am NOT a perfect Christian. But I am PASSIONATE. I desire nothing more than to lead people to their salvation in Jesus Christ. To plant the seeds and if I’m very fortunate, to watch and help them grow.

And I am so excited to watch this team come together, to help my brother make this a reality. 

A Very Good Sermon I would Like to Share

Hello everyone!

This morning, my pastor gave an awesome sermon and I would really like to share it with you. This is the combination of his notes, and also what I wrote as he spoke.

The title of today’s sermon was “The Parables of the Kingdom, part 3: Opposition to the Kingdom.” Reference: Matthew 13:24-43

1.    The Parable of the Wheat and the Tares (24-30, 36-43)

a.   The illustration (24-30): Among the good seeds were scattered weed seeds, planted by the enemy. The weeds have someone sewing them as well, they don’t spring up by accident. If the weeds are planted with the seed, the seeds have to be fully grown before it is safe to remove the weeds. They have to be mature.

b.   The interpretation (36-43): The tares are the offspring of the wicked one. They grow in strength as we do. There are only two kinds of spiritual seeds, and Satan is the master of imitation, but there is no “gray area” to God.

2.   The Parable of the Mustard Seed (31-32) – The mustard seed is the tiniest of seeds, but it still grows into an impressive plant. So big, even, that birds can take refuge in it. Positive interpretation: With even the tiniest amount of faith, we can do great things that others can learn from. Negative interpretation: Satan doesn’t have to use a lot of force to get our sin to snowball and take others down with us.

3.   The Parable of the Leaven (33): In almost every reference to leaven in scripture, leaven is used to illustrate evil, and Jewish tradition before Passover was to remove all yeast from the home as an outward symbol of removing sin and impurity from one’s life. This parable shows that even the tiniest amount of leavening affects the whole batch of flour.

It strikes some as odd to say that Satan has a strategy. They mistakenly conclude that because our enemy is sinful, he must be equally stupid. Such reasoning has been the downfall of many in the church. He does not act haphazardly or without a goal in view. – Sam Storms

“… and the gates of hell shall not prevail…” Gates are DEFENSIVE. While the enemy certainly does act proactively, the point of this illustration is that we ought not wait for hell to come to us, or for evil to come knocking on OUR door. We are to GO to IT/THEM. The church is on the offense, moving against the devil and sin.

Also, it is important to remember that Jesus spoke in parables to conceal the truth from those who openly (or privately) rejected God’s teaching, and to reveal it to those who were hungry for understanding. Only the disciples were privileged to hear the interpretation from Jesus himself. But today, WE have the very word of God before us, we have his words. And not just what HE said here on earth, but everything God wanted us to know since the dawn of man! And we don’t have to wonder what the meaning is, God is always available for us to ask. We ought not dismiss the power of prayer in our lives. We have the ability to commune with our heavenly father on a daily basis, an hourly basis, a minute-to-minute basis. Let us pray without ceasing. We can have the answers. God wants us to have them. And he has made the way for us. We should be celebrating our privileges as Christians, worshipping our savior with abandon, and LOVE everyone unconditionally. Will you choose to do that or with you bemoan the “burden” of serving your Lord? It is a daily choice. God will not make even a single one of us follow him. If we do, it should be because we are glad to, because we love him. Because we KNOW that  HE loves US and we do not deserve it!